If you’ve been reading the blog for sometime you’ll know I’ve been on a journey to get my health and fitness levels back to where they use to be. I’ve tried to be open about the difficult experiences I’ve had to face, but I haven't fully shared all of the difficult times I've been through. Over the past six months, I’ve had numerous “normal” blood tests, “live” blood tests, scopes down my throat and up…other places… as doctors have tired to work out what’s been happening to me and to understand all the symptoms I’ve been having. It’s has been an incredibly frustrating time as there was no answer for the way I was feeling and have been feeling over the past eight months.
However, I’m very aware with social media, it’s easy to portray a certain lifestyle and image with can be very different from the truth of what’s happening in your life.
I’ve shared motivation quotes while lying in bed, not able to move, because I was so tired, rundown and exhausted and telling you all - to just do it, make it happen, take action etc and there I was, not even able to follow my own advice.
I had days, were I stayed in my pyjamas, only leaving my room to eat, my eyes hurt so much, I would have the light turned off and during the day I would wear sunglasses inside. I didn’t do anything apart from lie on my bed and watch netflicks.
As you could imagine, I wasn’t very fun to be around, I didn’t have the energy to speak to people. I didn’t want to speak to people. I would ignore calls from friends and family and only really leave the house if I had to and was forced. I didn't want to shower, or wash my hair. I just could not be bothered. I was in a negative space and a had negative frame of mind, where it didn’t matter to me. I just wanted to be left alone, in my room, in the peace and quiet and away from life.
I wasn’t ready to share this with many people as I don’t like being in this situation and as the “tough girl” I don’t want to be seen as weak. But as this journey has gone on I’ve realised many things about myslef and if I want to be authentic and I want people to listen to me and be inspired by me, then I also need to be honest, and admit my life is not perfect. I need to be able to share the bad times as well as the good.
I’ve been in difficult situations, I've had things happen to me, I’ve been hurt, let down, embarrassed, I’ve cried, I’ve weeped, I’ve been lonely, I’ve been unhappy, I’ve been low.
I’m not perfect no matter how much I try and I never will be.
I make mistakes all of the time. But I try to learn from them as quickly as possible to make sure I don’t make the same mistake twice.
I now understand, you have to have the lows to appreciate the highs, the bad times to understand why the good times are so good.